Career Commentary Fan Gifts

"You're fired."

Occupant.

The commentators want to run the officials...

"Class, this is Mr. Elzondo. He's going to talk about going to college."

"Actually, I worked my way up from 'ideas'."

Career advice from the boss

'Don't be alarmed - I'm a proctologist.'

"Under our new definition of 'what is a sale?', he hasn't made any this year."

"I used to be a political lobbyist, then along came this chance to be a slug."

'There were a lot of highly qualified applicants, but I was particularly impressed by your resume.'

QANON PROUD BOY

"I want to be a footballer's wife."

You're getting that office with windows you've always wanted - you'll be working from your car in the parking lot with a laptop.

"Sorry, but your good references don't match the passion of your bad ones."

"Jones, we're transferring you to the complaint department. We need someone who's a sorry sight."

"Your resumé looks great. I just don't think you have the right ego for our company."

Personnel Dept. The nice thing about your job is there will be no way to get a demotion.

"There's something missing on your resume'..."

"…and don't let your cash buyout, stock options and lifetime medical benefits hit you in the button the way out."

'A nice feature of this office, the view from that window won't distract you from your work.'

110% Job Performance.

"I was named Prisoner of the Year for ten years running."

'Sure, I'll hire you -- I could use a good tax loss this year.'

'I'm really getting tired of all these Christmas commercials.'

Saint Walking On Polluted Water

"Have you ever considered that you haven't been promoted because you're and idiot?"

'I'm looking for a yes man who doesn't use the word yes, are you that man?'

'This is more precise than objectively reviewing resumes.'

"PHD! I'm impressed with your credentials."

'Simkins, you're fired!'

"I like bad movies. I don't watch them, but I love the scathing reviews."

'Those who can't hunt, gather -- those who can't hunt OR gather, teach.'

Ivanka's Latest

"Well, maybe if you let me work from home I wouldn't have to look at porn on my work computer."

"I hate racist foreigners."