Career Commentary Fan Prints

"You're fired."

The commentators want to run the officials...

Occupant.

"Class, this is Mr. Elzondo. He's going to talk about going to college."

"Actually, I worked my way up from 'ideas'."

Career advice from the boss

"Under our new definition of 'what is a sale?', he hasn't made any this year."

'Don't be alarmed - I'm a proctologist.'

"I used to be a political lobbyist, then along came this chance to be a slug."

'There were a lot of highly qualified applicants, but I was particularly impressed by your resume.'

QANON PROUD BOY

"I want to be a footballer's wife."

You're getting that office with windows you've always wanted - you'll be working from your car in the parking lot with a laptop.

"Jones, we're transferring you to the complaint department. We need someone who's a sorry sight."

"Your resumé looks great. I just don't think you have the right ego for our company."

'A nice feature of this office, the view from that window won't distract you from your work.'

"Sorry, but your good references don't match the passion of your bad ones."

"…and don't let your cash buyout, stock options and lifetime medical benefits hit you in the button the way out."

"There's something missing on your resume'..."

110% Job Performance.

"I was named Prisoner of the Year for ten years running."

'I'm really getting tired of all these Christmas commercials.'

"Have you ever considered that you haven't been promoted because you're and idiot?"

'Sure, I'll hire you -- I could use a good tax loss this year.'

Saint Walking On Polluted Water

'I'm looking for a yes man who doesn't use the word yes, are you that man?'

'This is more precise than objectively reviewing resumes.'

"PHD! I'm impressed with your credentials."

'Those who can't hunt, gather -- those who can't hunt OR gather, teach.'

Ivanka's Latest

'Simkins, you're fired!'

Businessman: 'I'm only paid enough to think inside the box.'

"Well, maybe if you let me work from home I wouldn't have to look at porn on my work computer."

"I like bad movies. I don't watch them, but I love the scathing reviews."

"I hate racist foreigners."