Office Commentator Gifts

'What I like most about the new boss is that you always know EXACTLY where you stand with him!'

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

Desk trays - 'in', 'out', and 'one of these days'.

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

"Be patient. He'll have to visit the water cooler sooner or later."

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

"The meeting will come to order."

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

Sign - Halt manager crossing

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"Morning, all!"

'Mr. Dawson, about when I said 'don't pull any punches'...'

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

The best financial decision I ever made.