Office Culture Commentator Gifts

"The staff survey shows that signs of stress and depression are going through the roof!"

"Hey, Fred, how's my old office?"

"But first let's all congratulate Ted on his return to work."

"Don't forget his soul, we'll need his soul as well."

'Management is very concerned about 'work life' balance, particularly where back room staff are concerned...We think you give too much, you need to get your lives back.'

'You're getting that office with windows you've always wanted - you'll be working from your cart in the parking lot with a laptop.'

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package †major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

"We're obligated to help dismissed employees find another job, so here's your original resume."

"Your job didn't shape up so we're shipping it out."

"Please dispose of everything that's old and useless. Of course you can leave the furniture."

"Don't know what we'd do without you, but starting tomorrow, we're going to try."

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

21st century water cooler conversations.

"You've proven your worth a hundred times over. Let's try for a thousand."

Boss's Desk Says No!

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

"Rolled-up sleeves, no coat, loose tie...it's my casual confrontational look."

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

The best financial decision I ever made.

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

'He barks when he sees the boss coming.'

'These are job perks.'

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

'The portrait is a mark of his extreme egotism, but, if you curtsy and bow sufficiently...say, 'Oh Yes Sir!'!, to everything he says, you should do OK'

"At this office no two days are different."

"In the old days, we had to constantly feed the screensaver."

"Now, let's get out there and walk really fast to places we don't want to be."

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."