Office Culture Critic Gifts

'And we are firmly opposed to any form of group think.'

"By the way, while you were off sick yesterday, we identified the bottleneck."

"Even though you gave the CEO a kidney, this is a lot of sick days."

"Excellent application, would you like to come back when you're a man?"

"I can only discuss salary and benefits. You'll have to analyze the babe situation yourself."

Office workers pinned down by gun crazed employee - "You wanted mangement experience, well, go fire Peterson."

"It's just the boss building consensus."

'Our company hasn't changed much over the years. Most ideas still come from the top.'

'I've hired Org to do our 'Grunt' work.'

'We're encouraged to be individuals here - look, there's a menu of three personality types to choose from.'

'This button connects you to the inner ear of every worker.'

"It's my interpretation of the open floor office."

"Mind your language, Peters - I'm a 'follicly-challenged' old bastard, if you please."

"For the sake of diversity, this office needs an old-timer."

"You are domineering, foulmouth and aggressive - how would you like to be foreman?"

"That's six 'noes' and one 'aye', the ayes have it"

"I like to give direct feedback. It's a character building. . ."

"You're quite proud of your reputation as office bully, aren't you"

'I see you're big on building up staff morale.'

"No one showed up. Everyone is working."

"Well, I'm the company sports champion! During the lunch break I ate more hamburgers than any other colleague!"

"Get me a young fellah-me-lad with a jib I like the cut of."

"This is not a sandwich befitting a chairman of a multinational corporation."

"I'm afraid he'll be away from his desk for a while... Three to five years for embezzlement."

"Miss Darling, could you schedule me in for a little light misogynism this afternoon and crude sexism after dinner."

Crappy Diem

"We dont get paid enough."

Tarzan forgets the essentials whilst commuting to the office.

"Well that concludes out interview. Do you have any questions for me?"

"No doubt you have lots of questions, and they'll ALL be answered by this informative new video created by our human resources department!".

"Well the good news is that we came top in at least one category of the latest diversity tables..."

"Any more sexist remarks and you'll be polishing my secretary's glass ceiling."

"You are so amusing and pretty."

"My motto is: If you don't have anything nice to day... don't say anything nice."

"Have you been convicted of a violent crime in the past 10 days?"