Workplace Culture Critic Gifts

'Oh, you are such a BABY! Just how bad can a little paper cut be?'

'I am more than willing to acknowledge my mistakes if someone is stupid enough to point them out to me.'

'Poor work habits can be contagious, so we usually quarantine our new employees for a period of observation.'

"Sexual harassment? Just because I admired your word processing."

"I can't put my finger on it, but something makes me think he'll fit in really well."

'I've been suspended without pay for three days.'

"We don't put up with bullying in the workplace, so if anyone messes with you just tell me and I'll rip their faces off."

'Looks like Kryson is no longer in the inner circle.'

"I hope I won't sound too harsh."

'That sometimes happens when the boss treats his customers like his employees.'

'It's the perfect job if self-respect isn't a factor.'

"Skip the job description and tell me how clean and well-lighted your bathrooms are!"

'A living wage implies you have a life outside the office. We're not in favor of that.'

"And this is our new HR officer in charge of morale..."

'This is our boss' desk. If you ask me, it's an ego thing.'

The Salary Review Opens Door Policy...

Suggestion box paper shredder.

'Watch your step in there -- He just had a skirt-blower installed.'

"Farnsworth, we are a closely held corporation, but that doesn't mean we hug everyone!!"

Who said money was not a motivator?

"I love working for a great boss. At least I think I would."

"Call a meeting, Miss Pendleton. I want to hear some Corporate Creole."

"We've increased job satisfaction. Now let's focus on productivity."

'Er...no...I'm sorry...I couldn't...I'd feel silly donating to Johnson's farewell gift after firing him.'

'I read by your corporate rag female supervisors are to retain their triple M status. I wonder what that means.'

"I'm concerned your excellent qualifications might offer less opportunity for saying crap behind your back and could thus negatively impact company morale."

'We all make mistakes, Hawkins, and when we do, I'm glad I have you, my subordinate, to take the blame for mine.'

'We monitor our workers with cameras because I like to watch.'

'They no longer take suggestions but they do offer tissues.'

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

Broward, Finley, Tuttle and Blanton - Expendables.

"There's no way around it. From now on in we're to wear these Equal Opportunity Masks!"

An office collection for an employee penniless from too many office collections

'I'm a firm believer in not going out of my way to give employees the opportunity to test their honesty.'

'Your role in the department will be a vital one, Doreen.'