Workplace Critique Gifts

"I don't make the rules around here. I just enshrine them."

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

"You knew this was a soul-sucking job when you took it."

"Of course we'll give you a choice. Would you prefer to lose your job to outsourcing or to robotic automation?"

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

"This is a company which is going places...."

'Does anyone else have any complaints?'

"And this is our new HR officer in charge of morale..."

No, no, Grok, we love your creative voice! Ort is just here to do a little punch-up.

"I think you'll like this idea-it's sort of 'dull' meets 'inoffensive.' "

Who's In Charge Here?

'Looks like Kryson is no longer in the inner circle.'

"It's the new man - he wants to know what the company retirement plan is."

"The boss is the fatherly type. He never fires anybody."

Suggestion box, one for suggestions and one for 'clean' suggestions.

GDP and G&T.

'They no longer take suggestions but they do offer tissues.'

'This is about the poster isn't it?'

'There are two men and a dog out there, and the dog is asleep.'

"So...what's the most important thing about working at Auto y Rod Inc.?"

Suggestion box paper shredder.

'No, we don't have casual Fridays, but we do have casual Saturdays, for employees who can't finish their work during the regular work week.'

"Remember unpaid interns are a renewable resource."

"Aw... I'm really sorry you're bored Jenkins. I wonder if I can rekindle your interest with some of this work you should be doing?"

'The problem is, you don't take enough pride in your temporary, no benefit, below living wage job!'

Sign on office wall says: 'Mustn't grumble.' Employee says: 'You have to admit, it's not much of a mission statement.'

"We've increased job satisfaction. Now let's focus on productivity."

"Call a meeting, Miss Pendleton. I want to hear some Corporate Creole."

'A ceiling? All this time I thought it was a floor.'

'Before I read the investment committee's report - I would remind everyone that I never asked to be on this damn committee.'

'A living wage implies you have a life outside the office. We're not in favor of that.'

'It's the perfect job if self-respect isn't a factor.'

"Cutting the budget is easy!...All you need to do is get rid of all that wasteful admin...what do they do!"

"Only I, am entitled to use ignorance as an excuse!"