Workplace Critique Enthusiast Gifts

'Does anyone else have any complaints?'

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

Even more of what people say (and what they really mean)

"You knew this was a soul-sucking job when you took it."

"Of course we'll give you a choice. Would you prefer to lose your job to outsourcing or to robotic automation?"

Office temperature.

"And this is our new HR officer in charge of morale..."

The president of a company see a sign: While you were out we hit the lottery!

"I think you'll like this idea-it's sort of 'dull' meets 'inoffensive.' "

"I don't make the rules around here. I just enshrine them."

"What are your other qualifications besides 'my daddy owns the company'?"

Would anybody else like to ask a question before the stewards get to them?

"This is Mr. Norris. He'll be coming on board as a human shield."

Who's In Charge Here?

'Looks like Kryson is no longer in the inner circle.'

"It's the new man - he wants to know what the company retirement plan is."

'Can you remember where you were when you first realized you were full of crap?'

"The boss is the fatherly type. He never fires anybody."

Suggestion box, one for suggestions and one for 'clean' suggestions.

'This is about the poster isn't it?'

'If a job's worth doing, it's worth off-shooting.'

'I'm sorry, but there's just no room in the budget for upward mobility... We're all making sacrifices...After all, I haven't been promoted in over twenty years.'

'No, we don't have casual Fridays, but we do have casual Saturdays, for employees who can't finish their work during the regular work week.'

'They no longer take suggestions but they do offer tissues.'

"Something tells me his demands may be difficult to meet."

Company spokespersons statement being interpreted into plane English by a second spokesman.

'Before your 'routine' surgery, your manager would like to stop by and give you a 'routine' exit interview.'

"Call a meeting, Miss Pendleton. I want to hear some Corporate Creole."

Sign on office wall says: 'Mustn't grumble.' Employee says: 'You have to admit, it's not much of a mission statement.'

"In this office I'm the dog and you are the sheep! When I bark, you move!"

"We've increased job satisfaction. Now let's focus on productivity."

'The problem is, you don't take enough pride in your temporary, no benefit, below living wage job!'