Workplace Communication Critic Gifts

Benefits Meeting. Making our benefits "portable" is management's way of saying they're going to make them much smaller!

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

"You knew this was a soul-sucking job when you took it."

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

'The sole reason I haven't talked to my wife for five years, is that I was too polite to interrupt her...'

"I think before we begin to address me, we need to talk about the clown in the room."

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

'Does anyone else have any complaints?'

"And this is our new HR officer in charge of morale..."

"I think you'll like this idea-it's sort of 'dull' meets 'inoffensive.' "

"Yoo hoo, the meeting's over here."

Your resume says you were a waiter...

"Without question the funniest patient I’ve ever lost."

'I said, how do you like my new communication tool?'

"I don't make the rules around here. I just enshrine them."

'Don't have me beeped, I'll have you beeped.'

No, no, Grok, we love your creative voice! Ort is just here to do a little punch-up.

'You said you wanted more responsibility, so I'm making you responsible for everything that goes wrong.'

''Benefit of the doubt' was our only benefit and now, the company has sent it offshore.'

'I'm fired, am I -- What's that supposed to mean?'

Great coaching is about being specific with feedback.

Who's In Charge Here?

"We added it just for the millenials."

'Looks like Kryson is no longer in the inner circle.'

"It's the new man - he wants to know what the company retirement plan is."

'My office is always open to you Charles, at least until maintenance repairs the door lock.'

"The boss is the fatherly type. He never fires anybody."

'Sure I talk to myself. It's the only way I can have an intelligent conversation round here.'

Pigeon Memos

'This is about the poster isn't it?'

Suggestion box paper shredder.

"I need you to look at the big picture, Boswell. Not the little one of my trophy wife."

'They no longer take suggestions but they do offer tissues.'