Business Communication Critic Gifts

"This report to the shareholders….Which is the misinformation and which is the disinformation."

"Quick! Get down to legal! The boilerplate has sprung a leak."

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'That's our mission statement.'

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

"Any questions?"

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

"In a further effort to increase profits, control costs and satisfy shareholders, we've decided to steal stuff."

'I give this one about three months...'

"We offer a generous flex time policy - you can work your 90 hours per week any way you'd like."

Direct Marketing...

XYZ Inc, putting a folksy, human face on unfettered corporate greed for over 50 years.

"Repeat after me: We are delivering the proactive core value promises and rolling out our real time best practice action plan going forward ..."

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

"I think before we begin to address me, we need to talk about the clown in the room."

"I was going to have my people call his people, but I’m pretty sure his people have Caller I.D."

"The Supreme Court says a corporation is a 'person?' Well, have you ever tried to take a corporation out for a nice, friendly beer?"

'The sole reason I haven't talked to my wife for five years, is that I was too polite to interrupt her...'

Desk plaque: 'P. Burnside, Upper-Echelon Nincompoop'

'Sorry, I can't give you a raise. However, I can offer you a splendid opportunity to share the profits.'

"Brandon isn't adapting well to the open office concept."

Suggestions box in a toilet.

You can fool some of the people all of the time - "Send in some of the people, Dorothy."

"I think he's overreacting a little when it comes to controlling his employees."

"When we changed the company name, the stocks went through the roof!"

"Progress is going around in the same circle...but faster."