Business Communication Buff Gifts

"Stop signing memos with your initials, no-one is taking them seriously."

'Can't we handle this through more impersonal channels, like text messaging?'

We're aware of the problem.

"And put a couple of exclamation points in the email, so they know I'm serious."

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

"Hello? Speaking, not listening."

"Any questions?"

"Can you tell the oak tree to tell the birch tree to tell the elm tree I said hi?"

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

'Some of these trees have been here for 2000 years... and they still can't talk. Man, we're awesome!'

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

Direct Marketing...

'In my time, we didn't talk to a blackberry. We just ate the damn things!'

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

"Repeat after me: We are delivering the proactive core value promises and rolling out our real time best practice action plan going forward ..."

"I was going to have my people call his people, but I’m pretty sure his people have Caller I.D."

Letter Collecting Nerd

"'Original' to 'Carbon-Paper': Do you copy?"

"Can I call you back? I've got a situation here."

"Oh! It's you! I was expecting the machine."

'Let us pray...'

"Twitter is back! Hurry, hurry, get yer free speech here!"

"I wanted a Meticulous Monday or a Thorough Thursday report. This reads more like a Frivolous Friday."

The Devil's in the detail!

"I thought that modern communications systems were meant to be more efficient...That they would cut down on waste and duplication."

'I started out as a yes man, but I've evolved into a plucky devil's advocate who always sides with the boss in the end.'

"Have your people call my people."

"To be clear you are willing to labor under misconceptions?"

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

Your Leaders Putting Words Into More Words

"Again, you may exercise your right to remain silent, but it's going to work against you since this is a job interview."

'Kroogshank, why do I think that you try to hide from responsibility?'

Giving feedback is a complex process.

'Before we get started, let's go around the table and practice making eye contact.'

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'