Business Communication Gifts

'Would you mind if I made a few calls while I carefully listen to your ideas?'

'Good morning. You have twelve million terabyte unread e-mails.'

'Before we get started, let's go around the table and practice making eye contact.'

Bob practices lying.

'John this is where you should declare your undying love and tell Miriam she's the wind beneath your wings...'

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

"And in order to align the designated objectives withthe fiscally driven cross functional departmental...did you understand any of that?" "Only the blah! blah! bit."

"Thanks to this innovative, state-of-the-art communication system, we can now support an even slower bureucracy'"

'I'll stop using finger quotes if you (control freak) let me use hand brackets.'

'Fair warning, Norton - one more sports metaphor and you're fired!'

"Heck of a way to start the negotiation."

How to tell when your presentation needs a little fine tuning.

"As I mentioned before, Fassler, you'll never go anywhere until you start using 'impact' as a verb."

'This mission-statement is complete gibberish, Hudson. Well done.'

"I shall not raise my voice, but be aware every word I say is upper case, bold, italics and underlined."

'He prefers old-style communications - Yelling at you.'

The Devil's in the detail!

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

'You've won a business award.' ('for gobbledegook')

'I know we only met 30 second again...'

It's ALWAYS important to listen no matter HOW someone wants to communicate...And this is my dance of the third quarter improved productivity figures.

"Ben is my given name, and E-Z Stomper is my street name."

'By now, you've probably noticed that a corporate culture which values candor and a free exchange of ideas comes with a price tag!'

'What a great web-inar presentation! How about an encore?'

'She's in a meeting. Would you like to get lost?'

"HR would likes us to remove any reference to 'compassion' from the job description and replace it with 'a qualification in client facing communication and empathy management skills'!"

Direct Marketing...

'Benson will you stop trying to dominate the meeting.'

Have you hugged your boss today?

"I think a positive attitude goes a long way in customer service."

"I wasn't persuaded by his presentation. His logic was strong but his threats were weak."

'...and sign it 'sincerely yours'...or does that sound too sarcastic?'

"Johnson, did you just post #stupidmeetingssuck?"

We're aware of the problem.

"Can I call you back? I've got a situation here."