Office Communication Gifts

"Hope you don't mind - I've brought in a body-language interpreter."

'Closing the letter with 'Very fondly yours' seems okay but let's run it by legal, to be sure it cannot be misinterpreted as sexual harassment.'

"Post that memo upside down... then everyone will try to read it."

"Our communication with the rest of the workers is based on what I like to call `The Iceberg Principle`".

"I knew it was a mistake bringing a refrigerator in here."

"Cynthia, please disambiguate this suite of objectives, cherry-pick anything that's actionable and Nascar it through a dialed-back event horizon."

'It's always the same. I talk to sales, I talk to marketing, but nobody talks.'

'How are we spelling Dear?'

"What do you mean: 'You don't believe that this is my answerphone'? Do you think I'd lie?"

"I'm married to my job, and you wouldn't believe the domestic abuse!"

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

Pounding speeds up the computer.

A paperwork machine spews endless paperwork

Whats ticking away in YOUR filing system?

"My email is down... talk to me."

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

At the end of each day, Gary had approximately 7 minutes of free time – which left him feeling very vulnerable.

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

Lynching on social media

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

Copycats

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"