Office Communication Gifts

"Hope you don't mind - I've brought in a body-language interpreter."

'Closing the letter with 'Very fondly yours' seems okay but let's run it by legal, to be sure it cannot be misinterpreted as sexual harassment.'

"Post that memo upside down... then everyone will try to read it."

"Our communication with the rest of the workers is based on what I like to call `The Iceberg Principle`".

"I knew it was a mistake bringing a refrigerator in here."

"Cynthia, please disambiguate this suite of objectives, cherry-pick anything that's actionable and Nascar it through a dialed-back event horizon."

'It's always the same. I talk to sales, I talk to marketing, but nobody talks.'

'How are we spelling Dear?'

"What do you mean: 'You don't believe that this is my answerphone'? Do you think I'd lie?"

"I'm married to my job, and you wouldn't believe the domestic abuse!"

"Did you tweet?"

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

Pounding speeds up the computer.

A paperwork machine spews endless paperwork

Whats ticking away in YOUR filing system?

Lynching on social media

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"My email is down... talk to me."

At the end of each day, Gary had approximately 7 minutes of free time – which left him feeling very vulnerable.

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

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