Office Gifts

"You'll work nights and the pay is garbage."

'National Bring Your Brother-In-Law to Work Day'

'This really is an innovative approach, but I'm afraid we can't consider it. It's never been done before.'

'That's our mission statement.'

"This is where you'll be working. Don't worry if it's confusing at first, you'll have training."

Presentation: Thinking each other are idiots.

Man on beach blowing up an inflatable office.

Passing the buck.

'Ed, I think we should talk about our 'casual friday' policy...'

'I'm sorry. It appears Mr. Mitchell won't be accepting any more information today.'

"No, I don't call it 'sexual harassment'. I call it casual friday!"

"Well, all the symptoms of just another typical case of burnout, I'm afraid."

"I did a risk assessment of the dangers of not doing a risk assessment, and decided it wasn't worth it."

"We want you to be more imaginative in your work...and this is how we want you to do it."

"For the benefit of our new employees, we've simplified the corporate flow chart."

Performance management: "Have you seen this?"

'Okay, let's take a vote. All those opposed to my ideas raise their hands and say I resign.'

'She doesn't have any real power?just influence.'

'OK, if I can't find my way back to my cubicle in 2 more days, I'll definitely consider asking for help.'

Of course, we have to begin with certain assumptions. Let's assume I'm right and you're wrong.

'Please don't read anything into this but we're putting you in charge of our no-brainer decisions.'

Does your accountant share your vision?

"Can I call you back when I feel like it?"

'Our space utilization study revealed that you have two square feet more than is allotted, so we're going to keep the office recycling bin in here.'

'As we all know, the appearance of honesty is the best policy....'

"it appears I'm being relocated"

'I wish they would just spring for a paper shredder.'

'No calls for an hour, Ms Jones. I'm resting on my laurels.'

'As the intern, it'll be your job to work for free.'

"Hey Kevin! Care to enter the office football pool?"

"I still say we're stretched dangerously thing."

"Don't worry. The building is earthquake proof, but unfortunately we haven't solved the

'This new 4570mhz system with super high-speed dsl internet connection will allow you to work 50% harder and I'll be able to keep in touch with you from my yacht.'

Everybody not in favour, take one step back.

'I said I wanted to address the manager shortage -- not a short manager!'