Offices Gifts

'The numbers aren't working.'

"I'm leaving my job so that I can spend time with another job."

"Buster, run this past legal."

'OK, but if I tell you what's going on, you have to promise not to overreact.'

welcome / Good riddance: "Over here. That's the back door."

"Yes, we eliminated the dress code, but I see you didn't fully understand."

"When you said you wanted to bring a pet to work, I thought you meant a DOG!"

'I know I'm the last one in each morning, but I make up for it by being the first one to leave.'

'You must be the new guy, huh?'

"Bob returned to the office after the shut down and found his lucky bamboo plant had flourished."

"Did you hear the good news? We're engaged to become work spouses."

Government Offices / In tray, No Exit tray.

'Ted, meet Sneeze-A-Lot, Bad Cough, and Tummy Rumble. I'm bad with names but I never forget a bodily function.'

'Not now, Harry. I'm on hold.'

'Mrs Sparby realized she didn't have the right personality to be a receptionist, but she was able to improvise and keep her job.'

Man needs to buy excuse for missing work from vending machine.

'If you're trying to sneak out of work, you should at least get your coordinates right.'

'I asked JB but he refused to fall on his sword.'

I frame all yours, JB.

'Felton,has it occured to you that you may have taken a talent for self-effacement a bit too far?'

"Take a letter to the window cleaning company...."

'How long have you been with this company, Holbrook?'

'Don't worry about lunch for me today Simpkins, I've brought my own.'

'That holds the ashes of my former business partner. He was always looking for ways to downsize.'

"Yesterday I got out at the wrong floor and worked a full day for a firm I'd never heard of..."

Out to Lunch. Please take a number, jump through hoop and sit down.

All Visitors Must Be Announced Then Denigrated in Some Way.

"Next time, do your thinking out loud to yourself."

"Back to the office, sir? Or should I surrender you to the authorities?"

"I've got the Los Angeles office on the line. Does anyone need avocados?"

Trendies, INC

"Like many attorneys I was the runt of the litter."

"Hey, buddy, can I bum a slip."

"Counselor? Is that you?"

"Cushy job, corner office with a view - everything you've ever wanted is just through those windows."