Office Employee Gifts

"I don't know how it started, either. All I know is that it's part of our corporate culture."

'I have your file right here in front of me, Mr Simonson.'

'We found the donut to be more of an incentive for him.'

'Boswell, it's been brought to my attention that your hidden agenda is in direct conflict with my hidden agenda.'

Happiness is just around the corner...work harder, earn more money, buy more things...

The Team

'In celebration of Thanksgiving, this week's pie charts are all pumpkin flavored!'

'Keep practicing, Johnson. You have to learn to jump through all of them at the same time.'

"Sorry I'm late. I got caught up at home being happy."

'No matter how toxic the corporate culture gets in his department, Bill can always be counted on to suit up and show up!'

"No need to rush. Take all weekend if you must."

'I just don't get it. The new motivational posters aren't helping at all!'

"Thank heavens! Some work."

"The goal isn't the exit – it's the corner office."

"Now that the crisis is over, we can go back to our usual inefficiencies."

'I see old Kendrew got promoted.'

"Ok, everybody set for that Zoom call?"

'I think you'll find these stress management techniques very effective!'

'I didn't get the salary increase, but I've been moved one parking space closer to the entrance.'

'We're encouraged to be individuals here - look, there's a menu of three personality types to choose from.'

'The home E-commerce business is doing well, but he misses his little friends at the office.'

"Not now, Gibson, I'm being imperious"

"Oxygen masks. When a meeting gets so boring as to be life-threatening, they automatically drop down!"

'I can't believe you're asking me to do some work. Don't you know I'm a recovering workaholic?'

'He's had more success in the rat race than the human race.'

"I don't care what he's got to say... I'm sure he's in the wrong cartoon."

"Meetings are where I've learned to communicate with my coworkers via facial expressions only."

"I see you brought your work home again."

"This is where they keep the corporate ladder."

How to dress for a Skype meeting when you work from home

"I'm the take the credit person. You're the take the blame person."

'I don't care how successful it was, try anything innovative again and you are fired.'

Sawing a job out from under him.

"Big deal. If I wasn't so easily distracted by squirrels, I'd have an office with a window, too."

'I must say Cringley in these days of whizz kids it's refreshing to find a good old fashioned groveller....'