Office Worker Gifts

"It's always 'Sit,' 'Stay,' 'Heel'—never 'Think,' 'Innovate,' 'Be yourself.' "

"No, Thursday's out. How about never - is never good for you?"

The four housemen of procrastination

"Now that the holidays are over we'd like you to get back to crunching numbers."

Collaboration

"I try to keep my coffee buzz going till the Martini buzz kicks in."

Ten Months Later

"Before we begin this family meeting, how about we go around and say our names and a little something about ourselves."

'Stay with me now, people, because in Step C, things get a bit delicate.'

"I need someone well versed in the art of torture- do you know PowerPoint?"

'Did you get any feedback on that audit report?'

"If only I'd thought to take my damn phone with me, I could be getting some work done."

"I have a system."

"Remember, as soon as his boss joins the video conference, it's showtime."

"Hi. My name is Barry, and I check my E-mail two to three hundred times a day."

"Honey, can you close the door? I'm in a meeting."

"Hey! I was looking all over for you. You have the wrong piece of paper."

'Outcomes...normally we just measure the height of the files.'

"We were hoping that you could work from work today."

Brainstorm Ideas why meeting should be over

"No, not there, please. That's where I'm going to put my head."

'Put this memo in an envelope marked 'Confidential'. Drop it on the floor in the hall. Make sure you do not seal the envelope. That way, we can be sure all employees will read the memo.'

"They don't appear to want to take over. They just want to dance."

'I was just ringing to see if you received the letter about the e-mails I sent you?'

"Can't you just whistle while you work?"

'Your performance review is next Tuesday. You're allowed to bring a guitar and up to three backup singers.'

"It's come to my attention, Wycliff, that you're actually planning a life outside the office."

"The resolution has been made and seconded that we stick our heads in the sand."

"I never thought I'd see the day, they're taking our suggestions seriously at last!"

'How may I help you?'

Workaholic Hotline - 'Come on now, you can do it. Just put down those annual reports and slowly back away...'

'Damn this paperless office!'

"It's for my back. You have two more questions."

"According to our time-and-motion studies, you handle your time very well but a lot of your motion is wasted."

"We need a better piling system."