Office Job Gifts

'May I play through please?'

A good leader will share any success with all involved.

"Happy birthday, Judy. And for all the other employees born in October, November, December or any of the other months, happy birthday to you, too."

"Sorry it didn't work out. Guess I'm just not much of a people person."

"Sure, I've heard the rumors! 'Fred's lost his never!' 'Fred doesn't have what it takes anymore!' Well, YOU tell ME: Is THIS the face of fear?"

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

Where your mind & battle are los

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

Whats ticking away in YOUR filing system?

A paperwork machine spews endless paperwork

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

At the end of each day, Gary had approximately 7 minutes of free time – which left him feeling very vulnerable.

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

"My email is down... talk to me."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."