Office Job Gifts

'May I play through please?'

A good leader will share any success with all involved.

"Happy birthday, Judy. And for all the other employees born in October, November, December or any of the other months, happy birthday to you, too."

"Sorry it didn't work out. Guess I'm just not much of a people person."

"Sure, I've heard the rumors! 'Fred's lost his never!' 'Fred doesn't have what it takes anymore!' Well, YOU tell ME: Is THIS the face of fear?"

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

Where your mind & battle are los

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

Whats ticking away in YOUR filing system?

A paperwork machine spews endless paperwork

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

"My email is down... talk to me."

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

At the end of each day, Gary had approximately 7 minutes of free time – which left him feeling very vulnerable.

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

'The check is in the email attachment.'

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."