Office Jobs Gifts

'What I mainly want to get out of this meeting is myself.'

'In order to fund your deferred compensation, we won't be paying you any salary.'

"I do most of the work myself because I know how I like things done."

'Get me everything on who the hell you are and what you actually do.'

'If you ask me, Dulin is too dedicated to this job.'

'Try to forget that I'm your boss, Saunders and just try to think of me as one of the boys!'

'I had time to get into the nitty of your report, but not the gritty.'

"Your family called. When you get caught up, they'd like you to send them a proof of life."

"Sorry pal, I'm not a guru, just working remote."

"We want to give staff the opportunity to use their own discretion in decision making, and this is how we want them to do it!"

"We don't give employee of the month awards, just boss of the month."

"Yes, Harris, I am well aware today is bring-your-children-to-work day...but you're not supposed to have them do your work."

"Well, I've taught you everything I know."

'The big boss finally noticed me. He saw me arrive an hour late.'

'I don't know what he's doing or why he's doing it, but by golly, I love his work ethic.'

'I hate it when you bring work home!'

'I'm greedy - But it's an unremarkable greed.'

"No, sir, they don't come with the cubicle—you have to order the cubicle separately."

'I haven't found anything wrong with your report yet, but it's ok for you to go ahead and worry a bit longer.'

'Your promotion came through Flashman, you'll now be working in Accounts.'

'Personal call?'

'Once you convince your partners to let me work at home, you'll need to convince my wife.'

'I meet therefore I manage.'

'The boss heard I'm a real go-getter so he made me a gofer.'

"We had to hire a replacement for you while you were gone. What? You've been here all along?"

"Relax. I just wanted to tell you that you're doing a good job."

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."