Office Pillows

'National Bring Your Brother-In-Law to Work Day'

"You'll work nights and the pay is garbage."

'This really is an innovative approach, but I'm afraid we can't consider it. It's never been done before.'

'That's our mission statement.'

"This is where you'll be working. Don't worry if it's confusing at first, you'll have training."

Presentation: Thinking each other are idiots.

Passing the buck.

'I'm sorry. It appears Mr. Mitchell won't be accepting any more information today.'

'Ed, I think we should talk about our 'casual friday' policy...'

"No, I don't call it 'sexual harassment'. I call it casual friday!"

"Well, all the symptoms of just another typical case of burnout, I'm afraid."

"We want you to be more imaginative in your work...and this is how we want you to do it."

"I did a risk assessment of the dangers of not doing a risk assessment, and decided it wasn't worth it."

"For the benefit of our new employees, we've simplified the corporate flow chart."

'Okay, let's take a vote. All those opposed to my ideas raise their hands and say I resign.'

Performance management: "Have you seen this?"

'OK, if I can't find my way back to my cubicle in 2 more days, I'll definitely consider asking for help.'

'She doesn't have any real power?just influence.'

'Please don't read anything into this but we're putting you in charge of our no-brainer decisions.'

Of course, we have to begin with certain assumptions. Let's assume I'm right and you're wrong.

Does your accountant share your vision?

'As we all know, the appearance of honesty is the best policy....'

"Can I call you back when I feel like it?"

"it appears I'm being relocated"

'As the intern, it'll be your job to work for free.'

"I still say we're stretched dangerously thing."

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

"Hey Kevin! Care to enter the office football pool?"

"Don't worry. The building is earthquake proof, but unfortunately we haven't solved the

'I said I wanted to address the manager shortage -- not a short manager!'

'This new 4570mhz system with super high-speed dsl internet connection will allow you to work 50% harder and I'll be able to keep in touch with you from my yacht.'

'I wish they would just spring for a paper shredder.'

'No calls for an hour, Ms Jones. I'm resting on my laurels.'

Everybody not in favour, take one step back.

'Something has spooked the prairie dogs.'