Office Work Pillows

"No, Thursday's out. How about never - is never good for you?"

"For God's sake, Edwards. Put the laser pointer away."

"I need someone well versed in the art of torture- do you know PowerPoint?"

'Did you get any feedback on that audit report?'

"Honey, can you close the door? I'm in a meeting."

'Outcomes...normally we just measure the height of the files.'

'...any other business?'

'Put this memo in an envelope marked 'Confidential'. Drop it on the floor in the hall. Make sure you do not seal the envelope. That way, we can be sure all employees will read the memo.'

You're right-this is way better than a standing desk.

'How may I help you?'

"According to our time-and-motion studies, you handle your time very well but a lot of your motion is wasted."

"I don't think I can be truly happy unless I have more passwords."

'He's free range.'

Urine Catcher

"Miss Antonacci, please have a regular coffee and a cheese Danish remanded to my chambers."

'Oh, you are such a BABY! Just how bad can a little paper cut be?'

'Implementing these changes won't be easy. We're pretty set in doing things the wrong way.'

'Hey, everyone! I think I found the bottleneck!'

'I can't remember the title,but it was on a little white piece of paper.'

"Now, that's more ergonomic..."

A deadline comes to chew up a worker.

'Attention, everyone. Our CEO will be touring the department in ten minutes. Please take the 'Change is Good' placards out of your lower desk drawers, dust them off, and hang them in a prominent place. Thank you!'

"We can't call it restructuring, we did that in 98' and 97',"

Attention Span Remaining: 3 minutes, 27 seconds.

Computer neck.

'Just measuring your job performance...'

That memo you wrote on reducing office emails generated 3,000 new emails.

Boss loads sales people with paperwork and wonders why they aren't selling

Performance appraisals.

"Where would we BE without the right DOCUMENTATION...?"

"Yeah, I keep a clean desk. Now all the mess is in the computer!"

'Before you go any further, let me reiterate that I, for one, see nothing wrong with killing the messenger.'

No, Smith, that's NOT why they're called 'Spreadsheets'.

It's our latest caseload management system, we just keep on adding files until he falls over.

-"I finished the project on time and on budget!" -"Right, next project you get less time and less money!"