Office Chatter Gifts

'I've never heard you say a kind word about anyone, Sylvia...I could listen to you all day.'

"I hear you may do a baby."

Gossipmongers stocking up at the rumor mill

'Are you going to work or stand and gossip around the toilet bowl all day?'

"I'm overpaid and underworked, but you don't see me complaining!"

"Looks like we found the issue."

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"This position has become very important to the company."

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

'Let's not go by the book.'

"Clear my schedule for the next five minutes. I feel the need for some spontaneous frivolity."

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

Bo're'droom

'A few more years in this job and you'll learn how to delegate stress.'

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

'Salaries Manager. No.'

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

'Being the boss's yes-man used to be easier. Now you also have to 'like' him on facebook, follow him on Twitter, link with him on linked-in...'

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

'The sunglasses idea would have worked if you hadn't started snoring.'

'Who folded the annual report into a paper airplane?'

Trays on desk read, 'Here', 'There' and, 'Neither here nor there.'

"My report to the board was perfect. They did not understand a word of it and now think I'm smarter than them."

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"