Office Chatter Connoisseur Gifts

"Come to my office. I need to cascade with you offline."

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

Boss's Desk Says No!

"And where have you previously moused?"

"Mr. Johnson, Bob is kicking me under the table!"

Trays on desk read, 'Here', 'There' and, 'Neither here nor there.'

"I'm overpaid and underworked, but you don't see me complaining!"

"The article you sent me on how technology causes stress crashed my computer."

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

"Bad morning. I was running late and skipped my coffee, diet soda, energy drink and Ritalin."

"Ahhh....I think that was a flying fuck."

"...But of course we'll still be friends on Facebook!"

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

"Here's some of my work for you to do. It should be a refreshing change...for me."

"On a positive note, he's not our boss. He's the guy who stole our boss's identity."

"Here's to non-electric sharpeners."

"I can't decide who gets the promotion, so we'll settle it with a rope toy Tug O' War."

'Face it, we're never going to reach a consensus.'

'I'll show you mine, if you show me yours.'

Should not have put that suggestion in the suggestion box.'

'In the computer simulation he said he admired my candor and gave me a raise.'

Of course I always start off by wooing a prospective candidate with talk of stimulating work,great colleagues and a reasonable work life balance...but the winning argument is always when I promise them enough money to choke a rhino.

"I was going to tell you it's a jungle out there, but I realize that's probably old news to you."

...The computer says you can handle 20 more work

'I hate bloody football! It's just a bunch of over-rated, overpaid nancy boys kicking a b-' - 'Genuine football fans may leave work early to avoid missing the start of important World Cup fixtures.' - 'C'mon England!'

'I've collected my memos into one reasonably priced gift book.'

'She finally made employee of the month but she paid the ultimate price.'

Batsford doesn't suffer fools gladly.

'Remember, my door is always open Higgins, just be careful of the trap door.'

'It's not fair. Women doing the same job I'm doing in this office are being paid more than I am!'

'Remember you told me to be friendly to your boss.'

'We're very proud of you, Jenkins. Keep up the good work.'