Office Chatter Connoisseur Pillows

"Come to my office. I need to cascade with you offline."

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

Boss's Desk Says No!

"And where have you previously moused?"

"I'm overpaid and underworked, but you don't see me complaining!"

Trays on desk read, 'Here', 'There' and, 'Neither here nor there.'

"Mr. Johnson, Bob is kicking me under the table!"

"The article you sent me on how technology causes stress crashed my computer."

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

"Ahhh....I think that was a flying fuck."

"Bad morning. I was running late and skipped my coffee, diet soda, energy drink and Ritalin."

"Here's some of my work for you to do. It should be a refreshing change...for me."

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

"I can't decide who gets the promotion, so we'll settle it with a rope toy Tug O' War."

"Here's to non-electric sharpeners."

'Face it, we're never going to reach a consensus.'

Should not have put that suggestion in the suggestion box.'

'In the computer simulation he said he admired my candor and gave me a raise.'

"I was going to tell you it's a jungle out there, but I realize that's probably old news to you."

Of course I always start off by wooing a prospective candidate with talk of stimulating work,great colleagues and a reasonable work life balance...but the winning argument is always when I promise them enough money to choke a rhino.

...The computer says you can handle 20 more work

'Remember, my door is always open Higgins, just be careful of the trap door.'

'It's not fair. Women doing the same job I'm doing in this office are being paid more than I am!'

'I've collected my memos into one reasonably priced gift book.'

'Remember you told me to be friendly to your boss.'

"I hear you may do a baby."

Batsford doesn't suffer fools gladly.

'She finally made employee of the month but she paid the ultimate price.'