Management Communication Gifts

'I'm getting mixed signals. First the boss tells me that I never really caught fire around here then he tells me that I suffer from burnout.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"My email is down... talk to me."

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

The Businessmen Have to Make Decisions from Many Options

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

Lynching on social media

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

"Here's what I'm gonna do."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'Let's not go by the book.'

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

'That's our mission statement.'

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'