Business Culture Critic Gifts

"We're looking for people to fire."

'Here's to another great year of sluggish sales, no growth and huge undeserved bonuses.'

'That's why I love to be the boss - I've got the power to order you to send me useless reports day by day and I've got the freedom not to read the crap!'

'The new role will involve some EXTRA responsibilities...of course you'll appreciate that there won't be any extra funding...It's a role for which you are uniquely qualified!'

'We're demoting you from the bonus culture to the blame culture.'

"Look, idea very simple. You do work and me take profit. Me call it capitalism."

"You've nailed the evil leer, but tittering 'MWEEHEEHEE'? That needs work."

"I'll tell you what I'm looking for! I'm looking for a yes man, Jenson. Do you think you could fit that bill?"

"We're concerned about morale. It's getting pretty high."

C'mon, Gurkenman! You worked here for decades, and at your age a permanent employment contract won't pay anyway."

'On the agenda for this meeting is sick leave...'

NOW HIRING SECRETARY, 'Oh, what the heck -- typing is overrated anyway.'

Corporate Image Consultant

'You deserve a bonus, but of course we can't give you one. Instead, we offer a pat on the back and five atta boys.'

'So this is the company's new mission statement.'

"Wow, Bill! It sounds like you're developing a real moral streak!"

Rat Race Resources.

Barry's promotion made his colleagues very jealous.

"They got me for pillaging. How about you?"

"So we all agree to reduce our company motto to 'It was the least we could do'?"

"This memo from upstairs says we can torture the accounting people."

"My name is Bob and I'm looking for a 'Yesirree' man."

"I do hope you'll excuse the formality of the clamps."

"Looks like we found the issue."

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

Spot the difference.

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'