Corporate Culture Critiquers Gifts

'The firm is downsizing, Oglethorpe -- tell everybody to scrunch up.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

'That's our mission statement.'

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

Spot the difference.

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

Lethal Presentation

"Read our contracts, Ms Donahue. It says 'No Sexual Harassment on the workfloor!'"

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

Satya Nutella

"Leadership is all about knowing who to delegate responsibility for all your mistakes."

'The portrait is a mark of his extreme egotism, but, if you curtsy and bow sufficiently...say, 'Oh Yes Sir!'!, to everything he says, you should do OK'

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"The announcement of the changes really went well."

'No matter how cynical I become, I can't keep up.'

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

"It's o.k., come on out."