Corporate Culture Critique Gifts

'Come on, you can always fit one more.'

'Look, Bernie, all I'm saying is I think you're riding the new guy pretty hard.'

"I care about customer satisfaction, not employee satisfaction!"

"Two's company, three's an organization."

Cutaway drawing of office building.

'We want a leader with no particular direction besides what we tell him.'

"I need a business partner who won't get hissy on me."

"Besides, 'Not working for this crappy company,' where do you see yourself in 5 years?"

"I control costs by imposing a five percent salary reduction on every employee who walks away with my pen."

"Research tells me they found your DNA in the suggestion box."

Whistleblower of the month

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

'Now that I have your attention...'

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

The Businessmen Have to Make Decisions from Many Options

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'