Corporate Culture Critique Pillows

'Come on, you can always fit one more.'

'Look, Bernie, all I'm saying is I think you're riding the new guy pretty hard.'

"I care about customer satisfaction, not employee satisfaction!"

"Two's company, three's an organization."

Cutaway drawing of office building.

'We want a leader with no particular direction besides what we tell him.'

"I need a business partner who won't get hissy on me."

"Besides, 'Not working for this crappy company,' where do you see yourself in 5 years?"

"I control costs by imposing a five percent salary reduction on every employee who walks away with my pen."

"Research tells me they found your DNA in the suggestion box."

Whistleblower of the month

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

'Now that I have your attention...'

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

The Businessmen Have to Make Decisions from Many Options

"This position has become very important to the company."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'