Communication Critic Gifts

Party with speech bubbles.

'You are through to the Samaritans. Press 1 if you are depressed, press 2 if you are suicidal ...'

"Can you please stop arguing in your TED Talk voice."

'Just FYI...so far your overall communication scores are pretty dismal. Do go on.'

"This circle of hell is for those who always hit Reply to All."

"Mrs. Stiltz asked Jean to ask Genie to ask..."

"I forget-are you not speaking to me or just not listening to me?"

'I am becoming a jerk. Get a memo to all departments.'

"I owe you an apology. When you bought that muzzle, I was mad because I assumed you bought it for your dog."

"I try to be a good boss. Whenever I fire someone by email I always use a smiley face emoji."

The Great Communicator.

'Let a computer answer it.'

Cellphone Mania.

"Candidates in political campaigns...yawn! Apparently never heard of the golden proverbial saying, 'Silence is golden'."

Modern methods of reading over someone's shoulder.

'I just dialled 999 and got a call centre in Bangalore.'

"I told mom I won't answer her calls in case a scammer got her number."

"Actually, there is such a thing as a stupid question, and you've just asked it."

"I realize I'm sending you mixed messages. But I'm doing so on advice of my attorney."

"I'm sorry, he's not in right now. Would you like me to pretend to write down your message, or would you prefer that he ignore you voicemail?"

"Miss Balinger, read this over and tell me what I said."

Shouting into a mobile phone

If the world is getting smaller, how come the postal rates keep going up?

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

'There were disadvantages to the 24 hour communications revolution.'

"And let me be perfectly clear when I say teleprompters are a godsend!"

'Mr Slickovitz will now brief you on corporate creole!'

'Please wait ... I have someone on the other line ...'

"Listen Dear, if he wants your opinion he'll ask me for it."

'Attention all employees. This is all.'

'I won't be sending you a postcard - it would take 4 to 5 days, secondly who the hell are you?'

'I said, how do you like my new communication tool?'

"He's been told he has to cut down on using meaningless 'management speak'...which is causing him a lot of problems...as it's the only language he knows!"

The Illusion of Intimacy

Voice Note Content