Office Critique Gifts

"Nowadays sex in the workplace is politically incorrect. I sure miss being politically incorrect!"

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"Whereas we used to display losses in shocking and offensive red, we now display them in warm and comforting toasted almond."

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

Do you have to write the 5 paragraph essays to be a rich investment banker? Or rock star? Or famous actress? No. No. And no. Then why learn to write one? So when those jobs don't work out

"That's six 'noes' and one 'aye', the ayes have it"

"Of course we'll give you a choice. Would you prefer to lose your job to outsourcing or to robotic automation?"

"I was a lot happier with the elephant in the room."

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

"You're quitting? You're walking out?? Couldn't you have at least waited until I finished outsourcing the company??!"

'Does anyone else have any complaints?'

"I don't make the rules around here. I just enshrine them."

"Look at them smiling. They've reached their comfort zone."

"I may need you to take the fall for the Swanson mess. So, goeth with pride."

"I don't want to insult your intelligence - I imagine that happens enough as it is."

Finally! There comes my most important man!

"Our medical benefits are quite limited, basically we send you a memo telling you to take more exercise."

"Well, I'm the company sports champion! During the lunch break I ate more hamburgers than any other colleague!"

"I think you'll like this idea-it's sort of 'dull' meets 'inoffensive.' "

"But I already asked the other parent company. They told me to ask you."

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

'Let's get with it, Miss Ogden -- Spread some papers around on my desk!'

Imagine there's no office...

'If congress regulates obscene bonuses, isn't that a violation of the first amendment?'

"So from the top. If they need urgent help it's form AC/765c, criticl interventions are CV/U657's and..."

'He always has your back - - - but it's mostly to step on.'

ABC Vice Company: Employees Must Squash Hands Before Returning to Work

Waste Management.

"I can't help but think that coming here is a total waste of time"

Who's In Charge Here?

'As the intern, it'll be your job to work for free.'

"Fill out all these highly intrusive forms...we can't wait!"