Office Culture Analyst Gifts

"We're trying to create a caring, supportive environment. For money though, not people."

"Don't tell me you're not hungover, it's nine a.m. and you just clocked out."

'When you run with the big dogs, you need a large pooper-scooper.'

"Get in tough with my feelings and tell them I won't be contacting them anymore."

Desk bins: Pretend it's not here, Hope it goes away, Delegate it.

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

"You've proven your worth a hundred times over. Let's try for a thousand."

21st century water cooler conversations.

Boss's Desk Says No!

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

"Rolled-up sleeves, no coat, loose tie...it's my casual confrontational look."

The best financial decision I ever made.

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

'The portrait is a mark of his extreme egotism, but, if you curtsy and bow sufficiently...say, 'Oh Yes Sir!'!, to everything he says, you should do OK'

"At this office no two days are different."

'He barks when he sees the boss coming.'

"Now, let's get out there and walk really fast to places we don't want to be."

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"In the old days, we had to constantly feed the screensaver."

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

'These are job perks.'

Tug of Negotiation and Conciliation.

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

After a day long meeting, the decision, as usual, is made in the hallway.

'Hello, Acme signs? This is the Berger & Coles Law Office...'