Office Culture Detective Gifts

"We're streamlining efficiency by cutting the staff who we employed to improve efficiency."

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

21st century water cooler conversations.

"You've proven your worth a hundred times over. Let's try for a thousand."

Boss's Desk Says No!

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

"Rolled-up sleeves, no coat, loose tie...it's my casual confrontational look."

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

The best financial decision I ever made.

"Now, let's get out there and walk really fast to places we don't want to be."

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

'These are job perks.'

"At this office no two days are different."

'The portrait is a mark of his extreme egotism, but, if you curtsy and bow sufficiently...say, 'Oh Yes Sir!'!, to everything he says, you should do OK'

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

"In the old days, we had to constantly feed the screensaver."

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

'He barks when he sees the boss coming.'

Tug of Negotiation and Conciliation.

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

After a day long meeting, the decision, as usual, is made in the hallway.

'Hello, Acme signs? This is the Berger & Coles Law Office...'

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up in this office and you'll pay the price.'

'No matter how cynical I become, I can't keep up.'

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'

"Look at them smiling. They've reached their comfort zone."

"He's on screen saver. Just tap him."

"Bill's a little upset. The boss just chewed him out."