Office Culture Observer Gifts

'What do you say, gentlemen - ready for some girltalk?'

"I am a people person, Wagner. Just ask my people."

"Here we use the email term 'out of the office', not 'away lazing on a Spanish beach, without a care in the world.'"

"And Thursday is karaoke night."

'Hell - employees entrance.'

'I have no one to blame but myself, for now.'

'We've traced our corporate credibility problems to your nose, Simsly, so you'll need to downsize it.'

'I feel a leader should be approachable.'

"We'll make you appear smart, but a little inarticulate - instead of somebody who is stupid and doesn't know what he's talking about."

'Morale's terrible here. Fast turnover, no job security...and that's just the CEOs!'

"Wohoo! Grunzman, you lucky devil! You're the 100th worker to get fired this year!"

"I know that you've got many mouths to feed but I can't give you a raise. My mouth is much bigger and greedier."

'One businessman's lunch and one lackey's lunch.'

You have to exert push before you earn pull.

'The Sacked Executive's Officer Furniture Goes in the Small Van...the Salary Package in the Other.'

To be downsized, press 1, outsourced press 2.

"Damn it,Frank,if I can't bully my staff, who can I bully?"

'This problem is indeed very well known, sir. It's name is Boboo, it lives in a drawer and it likes it's tea with three pieces of sugar.'

"I'm sorry. The doctor no longer makes phone calls."

'Schmidt's having a hard time maintaining that breezy air of optimism we so admire.'

'Here at A.T.G. Inc, we recognize hard work... and maybe someday we'll reward it.'

Tell me the truth. Do you think my signature is logo-esque?

"I want to know whose idea it was to let a cat person on the board of directors in the first place!"

"It's not downsizing—it's just that we have 976 employees who have chosen to spend more time with their families."

"You'll like it here, Ted, it's a scapegoat-rich environment,"

"On this team we take off our jackets,but we don't loosen our ties."

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

21st century water cooler conversations.

"You've proven your worth a hundred times over. Let's try for a thousand."

Boss's Desk Says No!