Workplace Culture Observers Gifts

Signing your opinions was the type of fearless, bold and honest act that would destroy this company. You're fired.

"Staff support"

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

'Pssst! Straighten up, here come the bigwigs.'

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

'Hi - I'm your company perk !'

'I give this one about three months...'

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

'Remember, my door is always open Higgins, just be careful of the trap door.'

"On this team we take off our jackets,but we don't loosen our ties."

"Damn it,Frank,if I can't bully my staff, who can I bully?"

'Comments? Thoughts? Anyone?'

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

'I like people.. but not a whole lot.'

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

"And this is our new HR officer in charge of morale..."

'I have no one to blame but myself, for now.'

"It's not downsizing—it's just that we have 976 employees who have chosen to spend more time with their families."

'Another nice thing about working here, they tend to promote from within.'

"Missing a call is no excuse for eating your assistant."

"While you were out, Mr. Sundberg, the little hand went from the one to the three."

-Great little number cruncher! -But lousy table manners.

'All applicants for employment must first submit to a company physical - We use it to eliminate anyone with a backbone.'

No, no, Grok, we love your creative voice! Ort is just here to do a little punch-up.

"They grow up so fast."

'It's either the worst idea to attract new clients I've ever seen, or the best...'

You're right, boss, there may be too much idle chit-chat, but let me talk it over with my friends.

'Mr. Donovan, is it all right if I tie my shoelace?'

'Have you decided who's going to be team leader?'

''Benefit of the doubt' was our only benefit and now, the company has sent it offshore.'

'Don't try to use me. I'm not user friendly!'

'You seem young, Perkins. Why, I bet I was incarcerated before you were even born.'

'You're not the manager I expected.' - 'So blame yourself for having lousy judgement.'

'In five year's time?... I see myself on that side of the desk telling you it's a great shame, thanks for all your hard work, but I'm going to have to let you go!'