Workplace Culture Explorer Gifts

It's good you're not invited to this meeting. Better out of hte loop than in the noose.

'Hi - I'm your company perk !'

Employer of the month...and every month.

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"My email is down... talk to me."

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

"Staff support"

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

Do Not Resuscitate

Bo're'droom

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

The trend toward less formal offices began to gain steam.

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

"I hate performance review season."

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

'Does your mother know you keep a messy office?'

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

"It's crazy here! They're all on recreational rugs."

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

'I give this one about three months...'

'Here comes the boss. Quick, look busy!'

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

"Where we lack in productivity is made up by extremely low employee turnover."

"You're new here ... it's customary on dismal Monday mornings to be miserable."

Desk sign: "Yes, sir"

'I can't give you a raise, a promotion or a bigger office, but I AM going to allow you to have a personality.'

'I believe in a 'carrot and stick' approach to motivation. The carrot is not to use the stick.'

'I treat everyone here the same as my family. . . like s**t.'