Corporate Culture Detective Gifts

'Lateral hires are always told we do things differently here.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

Nothing Succeeds Like Confidence.

The trend toward less formal offices began to gain steam.

'Being the boss's yes-man used to be easier. Now you also have to 'like' him on facebook, follow him on Twitter, link with him on linked-in...'

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

"At this office no two days are different."

"We have an acronym!"

'Pssst! Straighten up, here come the bigwigs.'

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'

'Ok, here's the meeting agenda ... it's gonna be a long one.'

"Look at them smiling. They've reached their comfort zone."

Parade of Businessmen

"Security? There's a goddam tree in my office."

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

"Do you have a minute, Bob? I'd like to speak with you about the concept of 'leadership'."

"I think you might need to start again."

'Go to work, do your job, go home. . . Penburtson, that is the American Dream!'

Now that I finally have an expense account, there's no time to eat.

"The scowl might just be what this place needs."

"He ate homework as a puppy but quickly moved onto business journals."

'Comments? Thoughts? Anyone?'

"I know we're not lions, but let's call ourselves a pride anyway."

"I'd heard that Farnsworth had a difficult secretary to get past."

"I think we should try something a little simpler."

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

"We don't have an exercise room here. You'll stay in shape by climbing the ladder, jumping through hoops, toeing the line..."

'We used to be a patriarchy, but lately we've been more goddess-centric.'

Offices moved to 23rd floor - taking the company to new heights - the management.