Company Culture Analyst Gifts

"We expect strong performance but not strong opinions."

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

The trend toward less formal offices began to gain steam.

The Evolution of the Bonus

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'

'You did turn the company around... but we liked it the way it was...'

"Look at them smiling. They've reached their comfort zone."

"...But of course we'll still be friends on Facebook!"

"I'd heard that Farnsworth had a difficult secretary to get past."

'We used to be a patriarchy, but lately we've been more goddess-centric.'

"You realize, of course, that I'll have to make a big show of having security escort you out."

The token incompetent: "Hey - don't ask me."

"Don't tell me you're not hungover, it's nine a.m. and you just clocked out."

We're one big happy family here. What I'm looking for is a man who can make it work.

How it feels to be in a company with poor communication.

'The firm is downsizing, Oglethorpe -- tell everybody to scrunch up.'

"I have a recurring nightmare where the paradigm keeps shifting without me."

"I'm a retriever but I prefer 'Go-Getter'."

"You're just buying time, Peterson! I want those figures on my desk by tomorrow!"

"We try to treat volunteers like regular members of staff, impossible workloads and no resources."

"The new boss might seem severe, but he won't bite your head off!"

'Lets see now, Henderson, you've not shown any initiative because nobody asked you to.'

"I hate my job and I'm terrified of losing it."

Desk bins: Pretend it's not here, Hope it goes away, Delegate it.

"Hi Sean, welcome to my open space. Take a stand and let's talk."

'And my board approved this?'

"I'm sorry but we do not promote just for participation."

"I need you to look at the big picture, Boswell. Not the little one of my trophy wife."

"It's all about teamwork. We even have our own mascot."

'What the hell is a win-win situation?'

"Remember to look miserable when you meet the workforce son. We've spent years convincing them that money can't buy happiness."

"We're trying to create a caring, supportive environment. For money though, not people."

"Let's demonstrate our corporate values of diversity and inclusion and listen to some of Brian's stupid ideas."