Office Commentators Gifts

'Now, Dan, we're all equals here. Have a seat.'

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

Sign - Halt manager crossing

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

"That arrow always goes to the bottom when I walk by."

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

"And the winner is… Dan the Man by a nose!"

"Perhaps this slide whistle can better illustrate what this graph is telling us."

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

Businessman sees door sign 'Department of Mismanagement and Overbudget'.

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

"We should have taken the cubicles."

Businessman: 'We're like one big family here, because of all the nepotism.'

"Repeat after me: We are delivering the proactive core value promises and rolling out our real time best practice action plan going forward ..."

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

"I suppose you want the rest of the day off!"

'And from what we've been able to determine, this is the tweak that broke the paradigm's back.'

Sales chart plummets into employees head.

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

"Do you think we should look again at who we invite to these meetings?"

Suggestions box in a toilet.

The role of administration.

'I'm sorry, Henderson - But profits are down and we have to make sacrifices.'

"I see the downsizing continues."

Smoke and mirrors.

'I'm looking for a workaholic who feels the great job he does is compensation enough.'

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."