Human Resources Commentator Gifts

'Was my salary expectation a bit too high?'

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

'Take a few days off. Suck some necks ...'

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

The best financial decision I ever made.

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

'Being offshored isn't exactly what I expected.'

"Could you please focus on the objective of this meeting, Tom... you can get back to your 300 followers later."

'Calling Tech Support does NOT count as one of my wishes!'

My brilliant career

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."

"I always check twitter before work, to see if yesterday's joke got me the sack."

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

The Buck Never Stops.

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

Torn-Off Mouse.