Human Resources Aficionado Gifts

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package †major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

"It's clear to me that you want to go far with this company."

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

'Take a few days off. Suck some necks ...'

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

Inclusive speech

The best financial decision I ever made.

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

'Being offshored isn't exactly what I expected.'

"Could you please focus on the objective of this meeting, Tom... you can get back to your 300 followers later."

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

Good Luck!

'Calling Tech Support does NOT count as one of my wishes!'

How are you at decision making?

"So what makes you think you're qualified for this job?"