Human Resources Guru Gifts

'It's hard to get good people, and even harder to keep them.'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

Things-to-do-today: Daily workboxes piled up on desk.

Colour Version: Living by the Clock

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

Apart from your mother, who else thinks you're doing a good job as Chairman of the company?

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

Sir Winston Churchill

Here and There Trays

'The downside to my meteoric rise to the top is that I didn't have the opportunity to step on many people.'

"I suppose just climbing the greasy pole is no longer an option..."

The Dubloon Stops Here

'Don't worry. No one else knows what they are doing either.'

"For heaven's sake, Ogden, it's vacation time! Must you make your little lists even on vacation time?"

'Fred, I want you to sanitize this, punch it up, dumb it down, leak it to the media and then be fully prepared to deny it!'

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

Teamwork!

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

"My best managerial trait is that I dig for answers until I get them between my teeth. My worst trait is that sometimes I bury them."

'Instead of a raise, Yomp, you may call me 'Chief', instead of Mr Staghorn.'

'Kroft, Kroft, Kroft...to thine own demographic be true!'

When Engineers Crack.

'It's only fair to warn you that if you get the job there would be a lot of filing involved.'

"We offer a generous flex time policy - you can work your 90 hours per week any way you'd like."

"He thought this would illustrate the company hierarchy more clearly than the organizational chart."

'I had to overcome stereotypical misunderstandings about who makes a good leader.'

"It's hard not to take a mutiny personally."

Office worker pushing a pile of papers on trolley.

"I'm afraid there'll be an excess baggage charge on your Filofax."

"I always try to give out at least one genuine compliment per day. I don't always succeed."

"Unless one is a humorist, Haskins. One should avoid attempts at humor."

Whack-a-mole CEO.

'How about a toast to my breakthrough?!'

"I can't sit down. Don't you remember? I worked my butt off for you."

'This one is for keeping 'On Message' in the spin wars.'