Hiring Guru Gifts

"As long as you insist that we hire executives smarter than you, how about we get ones that smell better, too?"

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

"Your MBA and PHD are impressive but what concerns me is your low number of Facebook friends."

"...It's come to my attention you've been taking my calls."

'You're on the shortlist. It's between you and the bloke who's going to get the job.'

'You wiseaces who said, this factory would move to China are wrong! It's moving to India!'

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

'The fourth quarter was no walk in the park. Especially for those who count on us to walk in the park.'

Great training inspires employees: 'I see myself doing you job before too long...'

The Joy of Recession

'Maybe we should have been a bit more specific in the ad...'

"I'm afraid we have very little in the salary range you're accustomed to."

Meeting Pie Chart

'I'd like to help you, but I never leave the office.'

'It's normal -- Enlightenment freaks a lot of people out.'

'You'll be starting out at the bottom.'

'... No, you're not on the short list. You're not even on the long list.'

There's going to be a lot of this around here.

'right, make sure any new companies we acquire have an ageing workforce'

Your resume is only 8 words long! You're hired!

"When I said you're doing a hell of a job, Krueger, I didn't mean it as a compliment!"

"I think we might already have lost the next set of graduates, they don't see us offering a career path..."

'Oh, and if you really want this job, there's one thing you shouldn't mention.'

"Things will get bad... then there will be an election... then things will get worse."

'Let me start by saying I wish I had your imagination...'

"Mr. Kennings was going to interview you for the job, until he heard you actually wanted to get paid."

"I see that, but can you play well with others?"

Dog wearing gas mask brings slippers to his owner.

"He may only be three years old, but he has 21 years of tech experience."

'This is a very impressive resume. Did you pad it yourself.'

'Your career is a change management textbook.'