Hiring Guru T-Shirts

"As long as you insist that we hire executives smarter than you, how about we get ones that smell better, too?"

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

"...It's come to my attention you've been taking my calls."

'You're on the shortlist. It's between you and the bloke who's going to get the job.'

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

'You wiseaces who said, this factory would move to China are wrong! It's moving to India!'

Great training inspires employees: 'I see myself doing you job before too long...'

'The fourth quarter was no walk in the park. Especially for those who count on us to walk in the park.'

"I'm afraid we have very little in the salary range you're accustomed to."

'You'll be starting out at the bottom.'

'I'd like to help you, but I never leave the office.'

'... No, you're not on the short list. You're not even on the long list.'

'It's normal -- Enlightenment freaks a lot of people out.'

'Maybe we should have been a bit more specific in the ad...'

There's going to be a lot of this around here.

'right, make sure any new companies we acquire have an ageing workforce'

Your resume is only 8 words long! You're hired!

"When I said you're doing a hell of a job, Krueger, I didn't mean it as a compliment!"

'Oh, and if you really want this job, there's one thing you shouldn't mention.'

"Things will get bad... then there will be an election... then things will get worse."

"I think we might already have lost the next set of graduates, they don't see us offering a career path..."

'Let me start by saying I wish I had your imagination...'

"I see that, but can you play well with others?"

"Mr. Kennings was going to interview you for the job, until he heard you actually wanted to get paid."

Dog wearing gas mask brings slippers to his owner.

'This is a very impressive resume. Did you pad it yourself.'

"He may only be three years old, but he has 21 years of tech experience."

'Your career is a change management textbook.'