Recruitment Guru Gifts

"Can I call you back? I'm still recovering from a night of binge hiring."

"I think we might already have lost the next set of graduates, they don't see us offering a career path..."

"How come some media companies are so shy of web recruitment?" "Anorak-naphobia?"

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

'We should buy London and ship it to the States!'

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

"Your MBA and PHD are impressive but what concerns me is your low number of Facebook friends."

Target your customer.

'How about a toast to my breakthrough?!'

'Miss Raleigh. I'm studying megatrends. Bring me some megavitamins.'

'The client has asked that you please stop referring to the product as, 'Crappy Crap Crap.'

Bob thinks his new neighbor may be bad for business.

"...It's come to my attention you've been taking my calls."

'Our most successful e-mail campaign was an offer to take customers off our e-mail list.'

'You're on the shortlist. It's between you and the bloke who's going to get the job.'

Women's sportswear - Sale on paradigm shifts.

A close shave on the Titanic...

'I'm sorry, but you have a very impressive resume, and at this company, we find competence threatening.'

"My word, this really is impressive! Lots of people have a personal trainer but a personal wine advisor, wow!"

"Maybe we'd do better if we called ourselves 'baristas'."

'Maybe we should have been a bit more specific in the ad...'

The Joy of Recession

'I'd like to help you, but I never leave the office.'

'You'll be starting out at the bottom.'

"I'm afraid we have very little in the salary range you're accustomed to."

'Any recommendations besides these report cards saying you work well with others?'

Rudy, I've noticed your upsells have fallen drastically over the last 16 years. More and more, you just give customers what they ask for instead of pushing them to buy a larger cup, an extra cookie, or a 3-minute bathroom pass. That is unacceptable. So I've signed you up for my mandatory "How to Upsell" course and ordered you the reading material. Tuition fees will be deducted from your check. As your first lesson, I've upgraded you from the 2-week course to the 15-day one for just $50 extra. Ve

'... No, you're not on the short list. You're not even on the long list.'

There's going to be a lot of this around here.

'right, make sure any new companies we acquire have an ageing workforce'

"Okay, let me come at this question a different way: Does anybody here actually know how to sell anything?"

'I don't get it... Our business model was exactly the same.'

Your resume is only 8 words long! You're hired!

'We're looking for someone who can multitask - but not during the interview.'