Job Application Guru Gifts

'Let me start by saying I wish I had your imagination...'

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

Personnel - "This letter of recommendation is full of misspellings!"

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

'Curious how all four previous employers spelt 'exceptional' with just an 'x'.'

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

"The company is very keen on diversity, could you reapply as a woman?"

"Your MBA and PHD are impressive but what concerns me is your low number of Facebook friends."

'I'm also fluent in Geek.'

Do you have any other skills?

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

'Impressive resume, We'll verify it through Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr and get back to you,'

'I'm afraid that the top investment banks are looking for more from job applicants than a 'Top Degree from the University of Hard Knocks'.'

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

'So you have a PhD, big deal, everyone working here has one! The question is, what can you really do?'

'I'll need more than I can spend.'

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.

Job Interview Gone Bad.

'I'd hire you, but the word is going around you guys are practically extinct!'