Resume Guru Gifts

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"This is so much more fun than reading CVs."

"That's it? Salesman of the month, August '87?"

Your resume is only 8 words long! You're hired!

'Here's my r?sum?, or, as I like to call it, 'a series of unfortunate events.''

"This is fantastic exaggeration, I think we can use you in our Advertising Dept."

"I'm afraid a qualification form the Univesity of Hard Knocks doesn't get you far in the biotechnology industry these days."

"I see by your resume you multitask. You're both a Hunter and a Gatherer."

"Sorry about that resumé. I haven't had much call recently for words or math."

'Would you cart to explain this three page gap in your resume?'

'It says in your resume that you're a 'take charge' type?'

'Now that's an impressive CV.'

Career Paths Inc.

"He may only be three years old, but he has 21 years of tech experience."

"I may have exaggerated a bit about coming up with a cure for cancer."

"Your resume was good, up until the point where you said, 'don't make me beg.'"

"I know you went to Harvard, but stop asking to see my resume."

Job Hunting is a full-time job.

"On your resume, under Achievements, what do you mean by 'inspired by actual events'?"

"Those gaps are when I dropped out of the system and into the prison system."

"Very impressive. What brand of resume-writing software did you use?"

'You can start Monday if I don't find someone better.'

"I find it admirable that you're so honest about your flaws in your resume. This has just saved the both of us a lot of time."

"Your resume is impressive."

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

'Your career is a change management textbook.'

'... No, you're not on the short list. You're not even on the long list.'

'Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than just giving me your computer with your resume on it.'

'Don't give me too glowing a recommendation. I don't want to appear to be over qualified.'

'This is a very impressive resume. Did you pad it yourself.'

I read your resume and all I can say is that a half truth is a whole lie.

'This is your quarterly report, Mr. Woodson. We need your complete resume.'

'Your resume certainly includes a lot of UFO abductions....'

'Oh, and if you really want this job, there's one thing you shouldn't mention.'

'It says here that you're very observant.'