Guru Seekers Gifts

'I'll be in Florida for the winter, but I've sublet my cave to a pair of nice Mormon missionaries.'

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

At the 2021 Religious Games

'The secret to life, my friend, is hoppiness!'

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

Guru.

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

'I don't give advice. I'm only up here because it's safer.'

'Wish you wouldn't cut your nails at bedtime!'

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

"You've traveled all this way just to score some pot? Okay—How much do you want?"

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'Ka-Ching'?"

'It's normal -- Enlightenment freaks a lot of people out.'

'The trouble is, once you've attained enlightenment, it's all downhill.'

OM, SWEET OM

'I warned him about thinking the unthinkable!'

Bearded old man atop mountain.

Sport, Political, Religious and New Yorker Cartoonist Gurus.

'I don't offer any free advice anymore. I am offering a self-help seminar and a motivational coaching program online.'

"I'm referring you to a specialist."

"I thought I'd be lonely at the top."

'See what happens when meditation isn't supervised?'

'Oh wise one - what is the secret to long life?'

'I know it looks silly, but they say his prophecies have regained their old accuracy.'

'Sometimes I think about getting away from all this and get a job as a cab driver in New York city...'

The Guru is away to negotiate movie rights for his best-selling book, 'Money Won't Make You Happy'."

"Things will get bad... then there will be an election... then things will get worse."

'To become ONE with the Universe, you must first become COMPLIANT with the Universe!'