Guru Followers Gifts

'Well, we'll have to move into town, then - We can't afford a wheelchair ramp!'

'If your guru business is slow, do what I did. Get a professional website presence on the Internet. That's how you found me, right?'

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away. Disregard this baloney if you're asthmatic."

Questions for the wise one.

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

'Let's start out with cliches and pithy slogans - and work our way up to wisdom ...OK?'

At the 2021 Religious Games

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

Guru.

'Wish you wouldn't cut your nails at bedtime!'

'I don't give advice. I'm only up here because it's safer.'

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

Tangled Earphones Support Group.

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

"You've traveled all this way just to score some pot? Okay—How much do you want?"

'The trouble is, once you've attained enlightenment, it's all downhill.'

'I warned him about thinking the unthinkable!'

OM, SWEET OM

'Now, until you've attained perfect wisdom, you'll have to learn to evade questions.'

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'Ka-Ching'?"

Bearded old man atop mountain.

Sport, Political, Religious and New Yorker Cartoonist Gurus.

'Come back in two months the meaning of life can change, depending if the market is bullish or bearish.'

'I don't offer any free advice anymore. I am offering a self-help seminar and a motivational coaching program online.'

"Things will get bad... then there will be an election... then things will get worse."

'I know it looks silly, but they say his prophecies have regained their old accuracy.'

'Sometimes I think about getting away from all this and get a job as a cab driver in New York city...'

'Oh wise one - what is the secret to long life?'

The Guru is away to negotiate movie rights for his best-selling book, 'Money Won't Make You Happy'."

"I'm referring you to a specialist."

"I thought I'd be lonely at the top."