Human Resources Commentator Pillows

'Was my salary expectation a bit too high?'

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

'Take a few days off. Suck some necks ...'

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

The best financial decision I ever made.

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

'Being offshored isn't exactly what I expected.'

"Could you please focus on the objective of this meeting, Tom... you can get back to your 300 followers later."

'Calling Tech Support does NOT count as one of my wishes!'

We're cutting the forest in half, so I'm going to need you to make the oxygen of two trees.

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."

"I always check twitter before work, to see if yesterday's joke got me the sack."

"Welcome aboard. We will endeavor to treat you with dignity and respect. Now get you and your stupid face out of my office."

My brilliant career

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

The Buck Never Stops.

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

'This is the last time we hire former Cirque du Soleil members as stompers.'

Torn-Off Mouse.